Nothing could have prepared me for this exhibition. Hetain Patel said that he wanted to put things together in a way that was ‘overwhelming, not in a negative way’ but in a celebratory, joyful way and he and Barnsley Civic have succeeded. Tiny, tiny things are nestled amongst huge imposing things, or there is a breathtaking abundance – like the sea of pom poms. He explained that there is no hierarchy in the exhibition – no this is ‘proper art’; no division between ‘this took a hundred hours to make while this took 10 minutes’ and no ‘this item is intrinsically more valuable’. All of it is equally impressive in different ways. In this way the emphasis falls on celebrating difference in all its glorious abundance.
As I rounded the corner and came face to face with my own board games. 155 of them. It took my breath away. To see these games that I love displayed instead of bursting from shelves in the study; to stay there and listen to people’s recollections, to watch their reactions and to chat to some of them about the games was joyful. I felt really connected to others. I didn’t feel the usual worry that I was ‘going on’ or not observing conversational cues or turn taking properly. I could breathe.
Patel also talked of ‘guilty pleasures’, things we might feel awkward about sharing about ourselves and he robustly challenged the very notion. We should be free to come as we really are. Our true, glorious selves.
The title suddenly resonated with me. I felt seen and in a positive way too. I have masked my Autism all my life. I have masked it from others and from myself. When people talk about unmasking, I don’t know how to. And underlying that is a pervasive fear that I don’t know who I am.
But at the launch evening – listening to Patel talk, all of that was washed away for 2 glorious days. It was such a privilege to be given that space and safety to unmask without even consciously doing so. I have pocketed some of that feeling and will try to keep it somewhere safe and close forever.
